Parenting advice from my 95 year old grandma

 My grandma celebrated her 95th year of life yesterday. She bears on her body the effects of those 95 years. My grandma's hands, whose thumbs were once the purest shade of green and whose fingers could find a tune on dozens of musical instruments, are now crippled by arthritis. And her mind, once able to recall exact dates of seemingly insignificant events, or the name of someone she did business with once 50 years ago, now riddled with dementia.

There’s a lot of life lived in 95 years. Failures, successes, hardships and joys. 

Yes, 95 years of living will etch away the extraneous, distort the visible. Outward appearances change form. Eventually, it will strip from us what we have, what we can do, and how we present ourselves to the world. But what 95 years of living also does is remove all the excess, the stuff that gets in the way. Leaving at its core what is unseen. An understanding. A deep seeded truth that’s taken a lifetime of growth to learn. 

As uncomfortable as it may be, don’t be so quick to brush aside or walk past those whose bodies are warped and changed with time. Sometimes the most profound words of wisdom come from the most unlikely of places.

This time, it was parenting advice from my 95 year old grandma.

We had gone back to visit my family and had joined them at their church that Sunday. Afterward, Grandma commented on how sweet my 20month old daughter Lydia is. I laughed and said, “She IS sweet, grandma, but she has her moments.” I went on to tell her about an incident that happened in the church nursery. All the little kids were lined up listening to the teacher when in walked Lydia. She made a bee-line straight to the little girl up front who was holding a toy. My daughter stood right in front of the little girl, grunted at her and then tore the toy straight from her hands. I was mortified! Not that I had never seen this type of behavior from her, but maybe just not in such a public, quiet, holy place. I didn’t realize the shame I felt from Lydia's misbehavior until I was explaining it to Grandma.

“Well honey, that just means she’s still learning.”, Grandma chimed in.

Truth is always so powerful in its simplicity. 

How could I expect a child who is growing and learning to get it right every time? 

Oh what grace I would extend to my children if I could remember they’re still learning.

I thanked my grandma for her encouragement, my mind still mulling over this nugget of wisdom.

But she wasn’t done yet. 

“At least you were there and knew what to do.” She said.

Without a thought I confessed, “Oh Grandma, I wish I knew what to do. There are so many times in parenting when I have no idea what to do.” 

This time grandma drove deeper, right to the root of my shame. 

“Well honey, that just means you’re still learning too.”

Whew!

Turns out, I wasn’t ashamed of my daughter, I was ashamed of myself! My daughter’s actions left me feeling like I had failed as a parent. 

Grace for children who are still learning and growing? Yes!

Grace for a forty year old mother of two? I know in my head this answer should also be a resounding YES, but…

UGH! WHY IS GRACE SO HARD TO RECEIVE!!

But grace and growth is my grandma’s heart for me: for my children and for myself. But more importantly, this is our Heavenly Father’s heart towards all of us. 

“Not that I have already obtained it or have already become perfect, but I press on so that I may lay hold of that for which also I was laid hold of by Christ Jesus. I do not regard myself as having laid hold of it yet; but one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and reaching forward to what lies ahead. I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus. “ Philippians 3:12-14

We are not perfect. We haven’t arrived. BUT WE PRESS ON! We forget what lies behind and reach forward to what lies ahead. We receive the grace He so freely gives. In His strength we strive to know and to become more like Jesus in word and deed. 

One of the phrases we often use in our family is "grow wings". It's a simple reminder that we haven't arrived. We are in process. Learning and growing are part of our journey home. It reminds us to have grace for others who are still learning. And it reminds us not to get too down on ourselves when we’re still figuring something out, as well as encourages us to not give up.

It’s a simple truth I often hear myself telling our kids, but one in which my heart needed to hear from someone else. Someone who is a bit further on her journey. 

Today I'm grateful for simple truths. I’m grateful for God’s grace that is for ALL of us. 

Today I’m grateful for my grandma and her 95 years of living.