Leaving and cleaving

"Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh."  Genesis 2:24

Leave:  to go out of or away from

Cleave:  to adhere closely; to remain faithful

I am thirty-five years old and I am three weeks a Mrs. 

For thirty-five years I have been a part of my family unit- one of the "Foster Five".  For seventeen of those years I lived under mom and dad's roof and for eighteen years I lived under my own roof. 

Ever since I was a little girl I've wanted to be married.  But when you're thirty-five and still a Miss you learn to embrace the life you've been given.  I was a Foster and I loved being a Foster.  Maybe more deeply seeded, I was Jessica Foster and I loved being me.  My years of singleness were refining and enlightening and trying and empowering and though I longed to be married, I was quite happy being me.  I had over time began to equate Jessica Foster with singleness.  Singleness had defined me and had woven itself into my identity.  I wrongly held singleness as part of my identity, rather than a role, or season of life.

Then a few months ago, when I said 'Yes' to the boy with the dimples and the infectious laugh, something shifted. 

I knew I must begin the process of leaving and cleaving.  

Excited as I was about becoming Mrs. S, I knew this meant I would no longer be single.  And if I wasn't single?  Well, I wasn't sure what not-single me would look like.  A part of me began to grieve. 

 

The grief has hit me in waves as I begin to pack up my apartment that I had made my home for many years, as I talk to my single girlfriends now as the odd ball out, as I'm filling out paperwork for a new last name, and as my husband and I begin to join our two lives into one in practical ways.

I find within me this subtle resistance to leaving. Not because I'm not THRILLED to be married to this incredible man.   Not because I prefer the single life to marriage. 

Plain and simply, I'm scared.

You see, whenever you leave something, you're saying goodbye to what is known.  You're walking away from what is familiar and in some ways, what is predictable.  Even if your life was chaotic, at least it was your chaos and you knew how to deal with that. 

Singleness?  Sure it was lonely at times, and could be confusing and hard, but for the most part I knew how to handle all of that.  It hadn't killed me yet! 

This?  I don't know how to do this. 

In regards to marriage, God's call is for our primary allegiance to not be to our original family, or even to ourselves.  We are to leave that way of living behind and instead, cleave to our spouse. 

Regardless of whether you are single, married for 3 weeks or 60years, my guess is that you, just like me, need to leave something behind.    To go out away from something.

You see, in order to get where you’re going, you have to leave where you’ve been.

 

In order to be married, you have to leave being single. 

And leaving means going out away from something that you’ve come to know and moving into a great big sea of unknowns. 

Are you scared yet?

It’s ok!  Remember God’s word from above? 

"Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh."  Genesis 2:24

God doesn’t just beckon us to leave the familiar to enter into more, He also tells us to cleave.  To hold fast to, adhere closely, remain faithful.

Just as in marriage, there is something so beautiful and mysterious about leaving behind old ties and allegiances and cleaving to one another, becoming one new family unit;  So it is when we venture out with the Lord.   

God has so much more for you.  But it requires you to leave.  Leave the safety of what has been for the uncertainty of what is to come.  That’s where the good stuff is.    I know it’s scary, and there are no guarantees.  But that is why there’s the call to cleave!!  You won’t survive this on your own!  Hold fast to Jesus! Adhere closely!  Remain faithful!  He promises to go before you and come behind you- to hem you in.  He will NEVER leave you or forsake you.  And when you’re fumbling in the dark and don’t know just where to place your next step?  He will be the lamp unto your feet.  (Ps. 119:105)

Life with the Lord is a vast deep sea with untold riches and wonder.  Sure there are dangers that lurk up ahead, but nothing more dangerous than sitting on the shore, watching your life slip away with each passing sun set, and lamenting the wonders that lie just beyond the horizon that you will never know.

Stand up.  Brush the sand off.  Leave the shores.  Get your feet wet.  Get caught up in the waves. 

And then hold fast to the Lord.  He is good.    

GOING DEEPER:

• Where are you going and what do you need to leave behind to get there?

• What are you afraid to leave?  What feels safe and predictable, but is really just an anvil around your ankles pulling you down? 
• What’s keeping you from truly leaving?  Is it pride? Fear? Passivity?

• Have you left and now find yourself floundering in the dark?  Could it be that you left in your own strength and are still trying to make it on your own?  Could it be that you have neglected to cleave to the One who sustains and directs and comforts?

“Have I not commanded you?  Be strong and courageous.  Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go."  Joshua 1:9