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Hello! For many years I've been a writer "by any other name". But in this new season of life as a mom I've realized more and more the importance of real connection, community and being a voice of hope in this wild new world. So here I am, officially calling myself a writer, eagerly looking to engage with you as I write to bring hope along the journey. If you're a new mama, an overwhelmed mama, or just find yourself in any new and unfamiliar season of life, I hope you'll find yourself right at home here.
- Thursday, June 5, 2014

Open hand, quiet heart

"Better is a handful of quietness than two hands full of toil and a striving after wind" (Ecclesiastes 4:6).


I have an internal drive that won't quit.  Being "okay" has never been okay.  I expect more from myself.  And when I get "there" (wherever "there" may be), there's always another hill to climb.  It's really hard for me to be at rest with what I have and where I am.  I am always thinking about what I can't quite get my fingers around, what I wish I could just let go of, or what I once held but have lost along the way.   I've always been this way.  Just ask my poor parents.

Being driven is not all bad; having my fists clenched, white-knuckled, frantically reaching for just a little more, is not good.  It's a striving after the wind.

I know better.  I know there is more to this life than what I can see.  I know that this striving only leads to inner unrest.  I know that I am not the "master of my fate, the captain of my soul".  And we all know that this craving for more is insatiable.  We never arrive.  Even when we reach the pinnacle of our lives, we only want more.  The striving never ceases.

We want to live on easy street, with landscaped grass that is greener than our neighbors, surrounded by a white picket fence.

So when we find ourselves living on cookie-cutter corner, with grass that's been scorched a bit by the sun, surrounded by a shoddy old fence, we sigh.  This can't be my life.

If only God would have given me three hands.  Then I'd be satisfied.

HA!  Oh my mortal mind.....

"Better is a handful of quietness than two handfuls of toil and a striving after wind" (Ecclesiastes 4:6).

The Hebrew imagery here is beautiful.
If you only have one hand full, then you have one hand open.
Essentially, Solomon is saying, it is better to have one hand open.

It is better to have one hand open.

It is better.

But how can that be?  It seems like a waste of an awfully good hand if you ask me.

It's better because God's economy is not like man's economy.

Living with one hand open is counterintuitive and liberating.

Opening my hand is relinquishing control.  Trusting that my heavenly Father knows not only what I need, but my deepest longings and wants.  It's believing that He has the power to move mountains with a whisper and has a storehouse of abundance at His fingertips.

Opening my hand is trusting Him when He says, "All things work together for good for those who love God and are called according to His purpose" (Romans 8:28).

Opening my hand is recognizing that "His divine power has granted to us all things that pertain to life and godliness" (2 Peter 1:3a). In Christ, ALL fullness dwells. This means, because of His sacrifice, I have free and unlimited access to all I will ever need.

Because God's love, mercy, grace, and peace are overflowing, unending, and eternal, I can never want more than what He's freely and endlessly given to me.  My longing for more of Him can never be greater than His longing to pour Himself out for me.

And so I hold in one hand that which I can never lose or earn, and that which can never be trumped.

I hold my other hand open.

     It is a posture of peace
     I don't have to worry about what I may lose or what I don't have.    

     It is a posture of dependence.  
     Daily looking to Him to provide just what I need.     

     It is a posture of hope.  
     Eagerly anticipating what God is up to on my behalf.   

     It is a posture of contentment.   
     Resting in the knowledge that whatever I have is exactly what I need to live abundantly.

Having one hand open means I hold loosely the things of this world.  It frees me from incessant striving.  It allows me to be truly grateful for all that I hold in my hand.  It frees me from envying what's in the hands of those around me.  It provides perspective when I'm holding something I don't like or when He takes something out of my hand that I wanted.  It deepens my affection for the Lord as a dad who desires to open His hand to give good things to His kids.

"The eyes of all look to you, and you give them their food in due season.  You open your hand; You satisfy the desire of every living thing."  Psalm 145:15-16

Oh Father, my provider, redeemer and lover of my soul, You open your hand for ME.  You open your hand for me!!!  How can I respond in any way other than opening my hand to you? 

Open hand, quiet heart.

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