Getting what I deserve

Remember the story in the Bible about the prodigal son? You know, the one about the younger brother who went out and squandered his dad's inheritance and found himself longing to eat the pig's food because he was so hungry?  As the story goes, he went home, ashamed of his actions, intending to ask his dad if he could work for him as a servant.  His dad welcomed him home with open arms and a huge party.  The rebel's older brother, aka, the good son, was out working hard for his dad when he heard the celebration.  When he found out what they were celebrating, he felt slighted and refused to join the party.

I have always viewed these brothers as a dichotomy.  You have the reckless, selfish, outwardly sinful younger brother and his pompous, self righteous, inwardly sinful older brother.   I have been on both sides of the dichotomy/pigsty.  I've been the younger brother, sitting in the muck, so covered in dirt that I didn't even recognize myself.  I've been the older brother dressed to the nine's, standing just outside the pigsty looking down my nose, judging those pathetic people who can't figure it out.  Yet today, I can't help but think that at their core, these brothers are one in the same.  In fact, sometimes I think I'm an older brother, covered in mud, sitting right in the middle of the pigsty.

You see, beyond the myriad of external differences that we see in these two sons, what I found to be remarkably similar is their relationship to their father.  They both held a very limited view of their father's love.  Seeing his love as something they could earn or lose, they both expected to get what they deserved.   

The younger son, aka the prodigal son, was reckless.  After he had squandered away his life and was left depleted from all the wasted money and cheap thrills, he comes to his end.  He realizes the depth of his sin and how far he's fallen and he's disgusted with himself.  With no other hope, he returns home and says "Father, I have sinned against heaven and before you. I am no longer worthy to be called your son.  Treat me as one of your hired servants." Luke 15:21  The rest of the story is his father showing incredible grace and unconditional love.  His son may have squandered away his inheritance but he didn't squander away his worth.  A son with a limited understanding of his Father's love feels he should bear the weight of his mistakes.  He approaches his father like a servant groveling at his master's feet.  A servant trying to earn his favor back.  He expects to get what he deserves.

The older son, on the other hand, can't believe his father's antics.  He is well aware of the frivolous life his brother's been living all the while his only pleasure has been hard work, obedience and doing the right thing.  It's not FAIR!  Why are you rewarding HIM after all he's done??  When his dad comes to him and entreats him to join in on the celebration, he says, "All these years I have served you and never disobeyed your command, yet you never gave me a young goat that I could celebrate with my friends." Luke 15:29  The bitter older brother is so jaded about not getting what he believes he deserves that he can't accept his father's invitation.  A son who views his father's love as a scale that he can drop his weights of good deeds onto and thereby earn more favor is always jaded when things don't go his way.  He walks around with a sense of entitlement and is appalled when he doesn't get what he believes he deserves.  

Two sons.  Two very different lifestyles.  Both derailed by expecting to get what they thought they deserved. 

Isn't that like us?  We are so used to a world that loves us/rewards us/praises us for being "good", and condemns/shuns/discards us for not measuring up.  It's so beyond our mortal capacity to believe that our heavenly Father loves us unconditionally.  That no amount of squandering away our lives can tarnish his view of us and no amount of obedience and right living can earn us more of His love. 

THAT is what love is.  That is GRACE.  That is HOPE.  That is MERCY.  That is FREEDOM!!

How different would your life look today if you lived out of that place of limitless, unchanging love?  What heavy burdens of sin have been weighing you down, slowing you down and preventing you from running freely the race He's set before you, because you feel like bearing the full weight of your sin is what you deserve? 

What bitterness, anger, and cynicism have been blocking you from loving others and letting others love you because you've done everything right and you still didn't get the job, the spouse, the two kids and the white picket fence you deserved?

You see, a weighed down, broken, tired sinner is powerless to live the life He's created you to live.  Likewise, a pompous, entitled, do-gooder will never know the depths of authentic relationships or the freedom that comes with not having to have it all figured out. 

The reality is that we are all despicable sinners.  We do things we know we ought not do.  We hurt those we love the most, and sometimes we do it intentionally.  We are broken, corrupt people, who, set out on our own, would walk straight into ruin.  And for that, we truly should get what we deserve. "For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord."  Romans 6:23  But our heavenly Father so loved us that He paid the ultimate price- He gave His perfect son Jesus to die in our place, SO THAT WE WOULD BE FREE!  He carried the weight of our sin so that we wouldn't have to!  We can't do a thing to earn it; we can't do a thing to lose it.

Oh that our hearts would settle into that truth.  Oh that our minds would reject self deprecating thoughts and thoughts of unworthiness.  Oh that we would fight the allure of entitlement.  May we rest and move and live out of the assurance that we are unconditionally, unequivocally, and madly loved by our heavenly Father.  May that understanding deepen our capacity to love others more graciously, and free us to authentically allow others to richly love us.