Threshing floor

"I've been learning lately about vulnerability." 

Actually, that was first line of a blog I started over a year ago that I never finished.  Who knew a 13 letter word could seem more like a 4 letter word to me.  Clearly, a year ago, I wasn't vulnerable enough to write a blog about it.  And as I type this now, I'm still not sure if I am.  However, over the last year it's been a concept that I've tried to avoid but keep returning to.  So here I am.  Attempting to process by writing what's swimming in my head and delving a little deeper into this murky pool of vulnerability. 

If you know me, you probably think I've got this whole vulnerability thing down.  After all, I am a very open person.  I greatly value genuine, deep relationships, and I have never shied away from opening my life to others.  But being vulnerable and being open are not synonymous. 

Vulnerable:  "Capable of, or susceptible to, being wounded or hurt."

There's nothing about that definition that appeals to me.

At the heart of vulnerability is risk.  Don't get me wrong, I'm all about risk..... of  the calculated type.  That's not the kind of risk that vulnerability begs.

Being vulnerable isn't just being open in areas I feel secure.  Being vulnerable is being ok with the real me.  The imperfect, flawed, "work-in-progress" me.  It's being who I actually am, instead of pretending to be who I wish I was.   It's being ok with the world seeing my shortcomings.  It's coming to grips with the reality that I'm human and humans make mistakes. (oh how it pains me to even say it!)  It's being me without the walls and pretenses. 

Lately, I have been hooked on the book of Ruth in the Bible.  Such a great story.  The scene I can't seem to get past is the encounter at the threshing floor.  Ruth, a foreigner and widow epitomizes the definition of vulnerable.  She had left her home land with her dead husband's bitter mom and now finds herself working in the fields.  Under her mother-in-law's advice, she goes at night to surprise Boaz, the man whose field she'd been working.  What happens next seems scandalous, stupid, desperate or at the very least, makes the reader feel uncomfortable.  You see, by principle, vulnerability is never comfortable.

It reads,  "So she went down to the threshing floor. ...and when Boaz had eaten and drunk, and his heart was merry, he went to lie down at the end of the heap of grain.  Then she came softly and uncovered his feet and lay down..."(Ruth 3:6a-7b)  Ruth lay at the feet of Boaz until he was awakened and noticed her at which point she asks him to "spread his wings over her".  (Which is essentially asking him to marry her.) 

Did her mother-in-law really suggest this?  And did Ruth really think this was a good idea?  This story could have ended very badly.  Yet there's something so poetic about this scene.  Ruth's story is one of redemption!  She assumes this position of utter vulnerability before this man presenting her true self, with seemingly nothing of great worth to offer.  And in this beautiful moment that was teetering on destruction or greatness, Boaz redeems Ruth. 

***Single ladies: This is not a recommendation that you should find a guy you wanna marry, sneak into his apartment, lay at his feet and then ask him to marry you.  Stay with me now, don't miss the forest for the trees.  You're better than that. :) ***

This scene of great vulnerability, and ultimately this great redemption story, happens at the threshing floor.  The threshing floor was not just the place where Ruth took a huge step in vulnerability. In biblical times, the threshing floor was a place of blessings.  After a lot of hard work, the grain that was harvested would be gathered and taken to the threshing floor where it would be beaten and crushed until the separation of the valuable seed and the chaff occurred.  Then the beaten stalks and grains would be thrown into the air so that the wind would blow the chaff away and all that was left was the good stuff.   The grain.  Separating what was false from what was real.  You see, a bountiful wheat harvest is of no value until the grain is uncovered and separated from the chaff.  What an incredible picture of vulnerability.

Remember the definition of vulnerable?  "Capable of, or susceptible to, being wounded or hurt."

According to Brene Brown, the word courage was derived from the Latin word cor which means heart.  The original meaning of courage when translated into English was:  "To tell the story of who you are with your whole heart." 

Vulnerable: Capable of, or susceptible to, being wounded or hurt.
Courage: Telling the story of who you are with your whole heart.

Telling the story of who I am with my whole heart forces me to be vulnerable.  Being vulnerable is having the courage to be imperfect in front of a watching world.

What if I'm beaten down like a stalk of wheat and thrown in the air for the wind to separate what's false from what's real?  What if I sneak out into the intimate places of my various relationships, uncover their feet and ask them to spread their wings over me?  What if the person I present to the world is real.  Flawed.  Human.  Unpolished.  Unresolved.  And what if, WHAT IF the response is like that of Boaz.  "The Lord bless you, my daughter....don't be afraid." (Ruth 3:10-11)

What makes the story of Ruth transcend your average romantic story, is the analogy of Christ and His bride.   HE is our redeemer!  HE saw us in our most raw form.  While we were hurling insults at Him, binding Him to a tree, and piercing Him with nails.  He knows the sins of our past and He knows we're going to screw up again today.   And yet He calls us beloved.  He CHOOSES us.  He deeply loves us.

I, like Ruth, desire to go to the threshing floor, assume a vulnerable position and allow the threshing to happen. Beating down those walls that I've built out of fear or self protection and allow the wind to blow them away.  Leaving just the "good stuff". The seed. Sure, it's gonna hurt. Sure, it's gonna be ugly.  Sure, there's a lot of risk involved.  But I will stand in the shadow of His hand (Isaiah 49:2) and I will trust in His protection.

I want to tell the story of who I am with my whole heart!!

And I will find my courage in knowing that "My Redeemer lives!" (Job 19:25)